So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
...so i touched it.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
