When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
