Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
