So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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