I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
