I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
