i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
