I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
