If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
