she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
