did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
