I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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