I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
