Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
