But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
