Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
