I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
She bit a glass in half.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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