woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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