I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
