I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize