Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
