i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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