ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
as a side note pls kill me
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
