I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
