I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
