Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
