And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
