That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
