if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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