Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
