There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
