Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
