RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
