I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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