i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
