Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
