Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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