I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
