I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
