i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
