You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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