Where is the hickey?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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