I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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