Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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