Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Randomize
