i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
areolas are like halos for boobs.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
