Dude my mom stole all your condoms
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize