So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
