someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
