I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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