I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
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