We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
