I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
