he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
