Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
