Heybabeimwearingurpanties
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
