I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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