forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
