Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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