i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
