hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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