i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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