Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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