OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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