I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
